Doctor, My Eyes

Thomas was a third-grade thug. He was the kid who got paddled by the principal monthly for infractions ranging from taking nips of art class mucilage from Elmer’s rubber orange nipple, to contorting his face grotesquely and eliciting guffaws from fellow classmates behind the teacher’s back. Advertisements

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Cool Ranch French Fries

The seasoning on Cool Ranch Doritos is magical. As such, I follow a very particular ritual when I eat a bag of the chips: I grab each morsel with the same hand over and over again until every last piece is gone. There are no napkins used along the way, and if I’ve done my job correctly, a red- and green-speckled residue coats my fingertips. In a glorious finale, I lick that seasoning off each finger, savoring the tangy, salty, vegetable-bright mix to the very end. Gross might be the first word that comes to mind, but don’t lie to yourself. I know you do this too—and if it’s not with Cool Ranch Doritos, it’s probably with Cheetos.

Frite Street

Constraint is often the mother of invention, and it’s nice to know that Chicago winters don’t dampen the entrepreneurial spirit. At least that’s the picture Nida Rodriguez, owner of The Slide Ride food truck, paints of her new Avondale french fry emporium, Frite Street. “Mobile has its difficulties,” she said. “Ultimately, I wanted a space where if it’s 30 degrees below zero, we didn’t have to feel like we had to drive around the city to make money.” Frite Street sounds like a nice warming shelter from the storm, but would it also bring the culinary heat? I stopped in to find out.

The Big Cheese

God help you if you’re a stoner and you live anywhere near the intersection of Clark and Roscoe streets. There you’ll find The Big Cheese Poutinerie, a new purveyor of a munchies-sating and artery-threatening dish known as poutine. Though the name itself sounds, well, less than appetizing*, poutine is a snack made from French fries crowned with cheese curds and gravy, thought to be invented in Quebec in the 1950s.

Parsing the Publican

Generally, I don’t put much stock in décor. Serve me a great tasting plate and you can seat me in a stable.