Drive You Mild

09.12.19

IKEA makes a lot of shitty things, things that you buy because you don’t have a lot of money. You shouldn’t do this. You should instead sacrifice, scrape, and save, and buy the thing you really want. It will reward you forever instead of ending up as a source of anxiety, regret, and dumpster dreck. Advertisements

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Goat Gotten

07.09.19

The new Peruvian-inspired restaurant Cabra is basically Macchu Pichu for Millennials, cougars, and horticultural enthusiasts.

Sweet Exile in Cancale-ville

06.24.19

At the corner of Armitage Avenue and the Kennedy expressway, some only see a Volvo dealership and a neo-Georgian red brick office building, a bland dereliction of architectural duty. Though it has long been demolished, I instead see myself at 3 a.m. sitting in the corner booth at Marie’s Riptide lounge where minutes ago I’ve dropped a dime and conjured Patsy. The gifts of Willie Nelson and my bourbon-addled brain are en fuego as Cline does her glissando slide amidst a honky-tonk piano tinkle into the opening line… CRA-zeee! Shots roll from the bottle, proffered by THE Marie (Wuczynski), the bar’s snowy-bouffant-crowned namesake. Though she is geriatric, she is always game. She pours one for me, and one for her. I am, whether I like it or not, and oh, God do I, paying for both.

The Yes/No List of Chicago Restaurants

05.21.19

In the age of YouTube, sometimes people don’t want to read. So for those folks, I’ve compiled a simple Yes/No list, as in yes, you should eat there, or, no you should not eat there, of all the places I’ve eaten at in the last three years, which are also still open.

Ga-LIT🔥🔥🔥!

05.17.19

You are reading this review for free on the internet. This is because, one, I’m stupid, and two, because of the perceived and real pressures of a system. While you would take great pleasure from me counting the ways of my idiocy in depth, let’s examine that system first.